May312012

Life at its finest is a satire of happiness.

May302012
(via silencemayday, lolfactory) The soup of life

(via silencemayday, lolfactory)

The soup of life
3AM

I try to express poetry in all aspects of my life. Now fuck off.

2AM

It would be fun to find a list of all the yolo people who now think a zombie apocalypse is coming.

You Only eat a guy's face once Then you get shot to death Unless you mean it as a strange sex euphemism In which case more power to you Just keep it private please 

May292012
cooksuck: I’d rather romantically ejaculate onto the breasts of my own mother than have my sperm used to ice this clear yet ironic mother’s day cake of infertility (via shitty children’s recipe book).  I’m sure your mother is looking forward to next year’s attempt at creating the “after” prop-cake for American Pie 2 if she hasn’t already menopause-murder-suicided you and the rest of your family.  The ability and regularity of baking is directly related to your ability to house a successful (i.e. greedy) and healthy (i.e. greedy) child in the womb.  When I wolf into one of the countless delicious, moist and fresh cakes that are routinely baked for me, I feel a warm and inviting glow from the hips of whatever woman is behind it, just like I feel a warm and inviting glow from the mouth of any woman behind the counter of New York slice at 4AM.  Now don’t get me wrong, I fucking despise children because they aren’t dogs.  Children are allowed into cafes, restaurants, bars and trains/buses.  Dogs aren’t.  What a fucking disgrace.  When has a dog ever ruined anyone’s day?  If they allowed dogs on the bus or at work I wouldn’t need a cigarette to get me from my bed to the shower every morning.  The only dogs that ever cause problems are dogs owned by people who also own children.  This is because they either attack the children (fuck yeah) or pick up disgraceful habits from the children (like shitting on the floor, making noise, getting sick etc.).  Sure, they are completely different issues, but let’s fucking hurry it up with making gay marriage legal (fuck I’m so sick of hearing about this, shouldn’t it just be a given?) so we can move onto rights for dogs. In short: good luck to you and your cobweb uterus (if you’re not already dead).

cooksuck:

I’d rather romantically ejaculate onto the breasts of my own mother than have my sperm used to ice this clear yet ironic mother’s day cake of infertility (via shitty children’s recipe book).  I’m sure your mother is looking forward to next year’s attempt at creating the “after” prop-cake for American Pie 2 if she hasn’t already menopause-murder-suicided you and the rest of your family. 

The ability and regularity of baking is directly related to your ability to house a successful (i.e. greedy) and healthy (i.e. greedy) child in the womb.  When I wolf into one of the countless delicious, moist and fresh cakes that are routinely baked for me, I feel a warm and inviting glow from the hips of whatever woman is behind it, just like I feel a warm and inviting glow from the mouth of any woman behind the counter of New York slice at 4AM. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I fucking despise children because they aren’t dogs.  Children are allowed into cafes, restaurants, bars and trains/buses.  Dogs aren’t.  What a fucking disgrace.  When has a dog ever ruined anyone’s day?  If they allowed dogs on the bus or at work I wouldn’t need a cigarette to get me from my bed to the shower every morning.  The only dogs that ever cause problems are dogs owned by people who also own children.  This is because they either attack the children (fuck yeah) or pick up disgraceful habits from the children (like shitting on the floor, making noise, getting sick etc.).  Sure, they are completely different issues, but let’s fucking hurry it up with making gay marriage legal (fuck I’m so sick of hearing about this, shouldn’t it just be a given?) so we can move onto rights for dogs.

In short: good luck to you and your cobweb uterus (if you’re not already dead).

(via sour-plums)
4PM
softerworld: A Softer World: 820 (tune in tonight for NO LAW & NO ORDER)

softerworld:

A Softer World: 820

(tune in tonight for NO LAW & NO ORDER)
3AM
rockpapercynic: George R. R. Martin gets lazy naming the next Game of Thrones book… Oh, George R. R. Martin, my hero and my nemesis. You’re easily as bad as Joss Whedon! Seriously, though, I’m not caught up on Season 2 of Game of Thrones and it’s KILLING ME.

rockpapercynic:

George R. R. Martin gets lazy naming the next Game of Thrones book…

Oh, George R. R. Martin, my hero and my nemesis. You’re easily as bad as Joss Whedon!

Seriously, though, I’m not caught up on Season 2 of Game of Thrones and it’s KILLING ME.
1AM

(Source: we-her-majestys-prisoners, via thisguyknowswhatimtalkingabout)
May282012

I do believe this is the first time I’ve been sober in a week.

I love vacation.

7PM

I can never decide if puppets are really cool, or really fucking creepy.

Puppets 

← Older entries Page 1 of 145